blogging

Ok skipping over momma defense... Left of getting Jesus in the Ghetto. Some of you may know and some don't but I live in the ghetto. We do have this little group of people that come around parading in the neighborhood with a musical thing that pumps back and forth and has a piano keyboard on the side... can not think how to spell it and it starts with an A, and they have little bible study for the kids. That is awesome besides the fact most moms if they care about their kids fear for the danger that they can be exposed to by walking up to the playground for this activity. We have a scary surrounding for children to be brought up in. As a matter of fact there is word that 3 small children have been beaten up because that is the local gang's initiation. I keep my doors and windows locked at all times!!! my wee ones stay inside or at my neighbors which we are all going to school and struggling to make ends meet and raise our kids as safely as possible. God does watch over us we are all together in this same building for a reason and we as a team are coming together and making it happen. My neighbor E has re dedicated her life to Jesus! AMEN! I am so proud of her she is an incredible mother of 5, yes 5, and is also going to school for nursing! I am trying to get her to continue past the LPN program and join me in getting the RN. We will see. I know she can do it but she doubts herself so.

Tomorrow is time for church! yeah. we all know that I am sure I will have something to reflect on. I feel that the passion to share my experience and the drive to explain how it touches me just has to be put in words instead of being trapped inside this steel trap of mine ... lol.

Last night Tristan and I had a slumber party to go to it was Awesome! Our friends offered us to stay over since it was a decent drive and it was going to be a late night (so we thought) :) and we took them up on it. I haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable time in a really long time. That is really the first time we have had time spent together besides Hi helloooooo and small catch up sessions at church so it was pretty sweet to be able to further develop that relationship. We both have cake decorating LOVE in common too so that was a definite trouble maker for us both :) When I open my bakery she so has a job!!! I have been finding my staff along the way and we are up to 4 including me. I think that will be a perfect starting number I still need some wait staff so let me know!

This morning we went to a Princess Party I know it was awesome! Cinderella herself was live and in person! In living color. too cool the girls got makeup done by her and the boys got pirate tattoos! :)n That was the neatest party I have ever seen. They just get better and better! I think we are going to have to have Tristan's party there too. it is toooooooo cold in Jan to have it at the park and the apartment is just a wee bit on the smaller side for 5 year olds so we will have to keep that in mind *(purty please :) )

I am super depressed about school and clinical. I am not in the right field as of this moment. Nursing homes and wiping butts is just not me. I like hands on but not like that. wow. I knew it was a field for 'special' people but I don't think I am that kind of person now that I am there. maybe because I wipe butts all day and then I go to school and find out there are more to be done. I have seen living skeletons! you see the outlines of the bones in their arms and legs. NO. If I ever look like that and I am peeing in a bag for my last dying days.. put me in the woods and let the bear get me or something at least I would be helping them by providing food for their family?? you know! but to be sooo lonely you just wish someone would stop and talk to you... It kills me. Give me a broken arm or some burned up something and let me provide care to make it as almost as it was given to you. but to assist in your ending days.... I will assist... in finding someone else to help you with that. Then I feel bad for feeling that way. as a nurse you are suppose to have compassion. I walk in there and just no, I just really don't have any I dread for Tuesday and I dread until the clock strikes 9:30 so we can load up in my car and head home. there are others in our class that are AWESOME I mean they get in there and rock out! I walk in and I am a deer in head lights. I know the stuff I know how to do it. It really is common sense until you roll them over and they blow you away with gas. Wowzers. Then you wonder why you have one hand on their side of their hips and the other one gloved and wiping out dirty doo. Have I said UGH yet? yeah I am struggling with making myself continue forward but it is only for a small amount of time and it allows me to continue on beyond this fact of life.

**** anyone know how to fix keys on a lap top?? My enter key I have fixed a few times before but now it is not fixing for me and it is driving me insane! Let me know thanks.

Ok bed time for me 11:00PM on the dot and I got to get up early in the morning :) I have one of the girls from the hood coming tomorrow I am excited I know she will like it even though she doesn't feel young enough to go to kids pointe and not old enough to chill with the biggen's that tween year of life get you every time. She can handle shane I am thinking, she deals with me :) OH and she is an incredible baby sitter! She handled all 3 of mine on a nightly basis and I came in to sleeping babies each and every night with a clean house!!! You can't top that! I love her so!

toodles.