Moving on to the next step!

Ok so I thought it would be official by now, but I still have one more step to plow through. 5 more people to weed out. It is a group interview and a few paragraphs on why I want to be a Nurse. I was thinking why do I want to be a nurse? What draws me to feel that I can do it or even be good at it? I originally wanted to be an art teacher. Ok? I was (so I think) awesome at drawing being creative etc... So what else could be easier in college? So, I left for college only to party my way right out the door of being an art teacher. I came home to realize that I would not make that much money teaching art. I didn't really want to deal with High School'ers and their lovely attitudes. What next? Chef. ?? possibility. Thought about it and really didn't like the hours for the money... Well, then I could be a Nurse. My sister is a nurse I could do it if she can why not?? I don't get bothered by blood... maybe just a little spit up from the cutest baby in the world but beyond that all the other stuff is just human. and really NEAT! I have always enjoyed watching my blood being taken I just think it is the neatest thing that could ever happen. That doesn't make me a great nurse. I have been accused by my mom of not having a good bedside manner but I have found since taking the CNA course that I ROCK!!! I have found that compassion it takes to be a GREAT Nurse. I really want to make a difference. (and lots of money) So lets compile a list:
People skills
ambitious-- aka self driven ( i like to put those both down though they are the same)
Multitasker
calm under stressful situations
fast learner
problem solver
Great smile
pretty eyes...
lol j/k

this is really hard After receiving the news though and seeing that I have done it and can move forward that why not keep going?? Just keep going on to medical school and be a doctor?? I would love to do that. I love emergency medicine. Then again the nurse in the emergency medicine side gets alot of hands on stuff. Possible surgery I don't know. So many options. I am excited to have a passion to work on. I am given an opportunity to make a difference now I can take it and RUN with it to a point of no return to make these changes happen.

1 day ugh.

Ok the suspense is killing me. I wonder if it really will be here tomorrow?? 2 weeks is long enough to compile some scores together don't ya think especially with scan trons.. come on. Tomorrow I should know something. Last night I looked up some diets and I am officially on one. NO FRIED foods NO SODAS. and lots of water < yuck! I can do it. I need to get out and walk 2 miles today and with the rain like it is I may not but then again a nap does sound good... LOL wow this is going to be a fun road eh. I did my 75 curl ups last night and I forgot to do my push ups. All this is part of my plan B if something were to go horrible wrong in court. Will go more into that come Oct. 2nd. I need to drop 40lbs. and I can do it just going to take some hard work. which I left my hard boiled eggs out this morning I guess they will be ok. :) throwing them in the fridge now. laters!!!

Contact me!

I know many of you said you would do whatever it took to help. Here is your time. I need you!!! I need you in person to testify in court before the judge on your interactions with me and my children How you feel that the children have had a quality life with me and there should not ever be a question in anything but :) etc....

How you are there for us....
How whatever you have seen you find a good thing I don't know. I just need my back up support group now!!

alive, drepressed, and finding that word lonely creeping...

Yet, then again, I am able to move forward. On the 3rd I took my PSB aka, Nursing (RN) Entrance exam. I had an amazing weekend prior to it and just really feel like it may have been a good week over all. Then I made the mistake of thinking I could possibly be 'dating' someone and asked them that... LOL lets put it this way. I haven't heard from them again since then lol. ok. I know I am a single mom but am I missing something?? I guess so. I am ok with that. It gives me something else to laugh at. :) So my lonely feeling can just stick around. I need a dog. I think I am going to go see my doc and say look i need a dog give me a reason to get one beyond me saying I need one. I think I am going to look for a well trained and house broken one that needs lots of love.

Depression. Yikes. I might say I have it. lol ya think. On the 8th I really felt beyond control of it all. Tears of break down tears. I had to do a shout out for some prayers to even get it under control. My girls pulled it together for me and HE IS AMAZING. the tears stopped. I gave it to Him. I am exhausted of the emotional twisting he has shoved down my throat. I was given an ultimatum Monday that I never in a million years thought I would ever hear. It involved doing things to get my girls back that I refuse to do. I will not sink to that level any more 3 and a half years is enough I fell for it over and over again. I am not on my own any more and I will not tolerate it. My spirit is stronger then what it has ever been. I live with a spirit of grace and peace. "my feet are grounded in peace" I know I forget that to many times in a day but sitting here I KNOW it. The devil blinds us. He attacks us. He tries to damage us in ways we never thought possible. (or at least I thought)

Test I find out if I made one of the ten spots on the 17th. Nervous. Ha. understatement. So far for this semester I have an A average. I take my state boards for butt wiping on the 24th. My graduation party for that class is on the 30th.

busy wednesday month for sure! Glad only 2 more left or I am not sure I could handle many more of them. :) hehehe

GREAT NEWS the Guardian at litem is coming Sunday after Church!!! That is the attorney that speaks on the behalf of my babies. He comes to the home and sees the babies and how they enter act in my home and with me. I couldn't be happier for someone to see my side that isn't bias. I love all of you but bias does come naturally. Speaking of which I am needing people to testify on my behalf in court. Please contact me ok??

totally amazing!

Ok I know we have talked about being real before but we are going to again. The crazy thing is that the day before I was on the phone with a friend and one of the questions is do you go to church? that was my question... I know church doesn't get you anywhere but it seems the easiest of the questions to get the ball rolling towards God. So we get talking about how hypocritical people are in the church. How fake they are and how they never felt like church reached out to the people it was there for the best fakers to show off.

So Sunday morning we get dressed and go to church (Tristan and I) Tristan goes over to the little man side and I head into shanemus prime's rockstar bar. (will add to that in a sec) The band had it together for the last time with Jason and Paige. Congrats and best wishes to them both they really have touched my life through music. Last sunday we Blasted away this sunday we raised the roof! The band was together and the music was touching inside!! Yeahhh then Rockstar comes on PUMPED up!!! I would of loved to see if the Tigers had WON!! Wow we would of had build a bigger stage he was on fire!!! the message was strong and it came across very clear! I wish we didn't have a time constraint because there was sooooooooooo much that could of been said and could of totally of been worth hearing. The focus was we all need a place where we can all turn to and be Real, Reminded, Accountable, Confronted, and the most important when we leave Encouraged. When we were listening I felt like a piece of string, a piece of string looking for more strings to come together and be woven together to create a strong rope aka community. If you take one piece of string and tie up a horse and the horse gets spooked what happens?? The string will break after enough force! If it is a woven nylon rope the horse will get spooked and that rope will go under lots of pressure but the likely hood of that rope breaking is slim to none. That rope needs to be us. We have to be able to be real with our community of our church because they will remind us to do right and behave and live in the life Jesus wants. Then inside this strong hold we will have someone we trust that says hey, you trust me and I know you and we need to face what has been going wrong in our life and take the actions to change it!!! Then once our community holds us accountable for our Own mistakes then knowing the struggles we will face we go into the world with encouragement. Each day will not be easy I can give you that straight up. I am not sure if there ever is a day that will be easy, but they seem not nearly as hard because we are that single string being pulled to a point of breaking anymore we are all able to share the bad and lift up the good!

Back to the feeling of a bunch of fakers in church. I use to go to a church where I felt that. I would be so consumed of wondering what everyone was saying about me I can not tell you one thing about any of the sermons I have listened to. I was in my teens then and very vulnerable but still the old ladies would come to sunday school each and every sunday at least 30 to more mins to sit around gossip down stairs. ?? hello we are in church. People went all week in pants and t shirts then they break out the BEST stuff out of their closest and expect that if everyone else didn't do that then they shouldn't be there!!! WHICH IS A BUNCH OF JUNK! Sometimes I do not want to get out of my PJ's after busting my butt all week and you will be lucky if I brush my hair but I still should have a right to come and worship OUR GOD the same one that we claim that is our same God the lover and giver why should you look down your nose and call me out because I don't feel like keeping up with the jones! That is how I use to feel. Now. Ha. I love going to church because when you walk in and there are smiles for EVERYONE! young or old. no panites in a wad over what you have on just thankful that you and your friends are there for the same reason! The creator of Heavens and the Earth! You can't possibly go wrong. you can't. His love will surpass any pair of holey t shirt or stainded pair of shoes that you have. Isn't that amazing. Then to have the ability to have a community to turn to in a time of need or a time of celebration! I love being a part of something that is Real and to the point of viewing God as our Father not focusing on the rest of the crazzzzzzzzzzzzzy world around us, but the peace that he offers us all.

I am so very blessed to be where I am in life and there is sooooo many reasons why and how I got here. A lot of you can look at my life and say how can she say that how does she feel blessed when she has her babies taken away from her and is stalked every day of her life.... because those things are so small in the whole picture. My babies will be back to me. I believe it will be taken care of because it is out of my hands I have given it up to higher powers then my own, and for that I am blessed that I can be able to do that. Because I wake up each and every morning and can say thank you for the sun and the rain and the thought that this time apart from my girls is temporary. :)

You are loved. You are loved by someone that loved you before your parents knew you were going to be born. You are still loved.