2 weeks whirwind..

It has been a spiral of finding myself. Finding out that I have created this misery for myself. That happiness I spoke of. Ha. It was really me saying... OMG. I will not stand for another girl to be in my children's life. I will not stand for it when I can simply forgive and forget and these kids will have an incredible life. With both MOM and DAD. Now no where in here do I say it is an easy road. There are alot of trust issues that have to be over come. On both sides... because I have told him I would go back to him never really meaning it and now that I have decided I am not stopping until we are back in order~!

LOL... thoughts of updating.

Ok I do have school now and it seems I would of already posted prior to now but I didn't. I believe crazy has a girl of some sorts. I love it I can not be any happier! I know alot of you would say wow now she is keeping tabs of him... not what the idea is just the fact that he sent her to my door with the girls medicine is a redneck sort of thing but I was soooooooooooooooo utterly happy that I couldn't stop smiling!!!! I am sooo happy and looking forward to some peace out of it. I hope she isn't on birth control and he knocks her up this first month and then he has that worry to deal with and leave us all the heck alone you know.!!!

I am going to school Monday through Thursday starting at 8A. WOW>> that is wild. I get up at 5:30am to get kids ready and get them to day care and school then fly down the road to be there on time Yes me on time :) I have cut down my hours at work to only 2 days a week and I am not sure how long I will be at St. Luke's they are screwing people left and right and it really isn't cool. If you aren't in the "in" click then you are really left hanging! I asked for Friday and Saturdays guess what I got? Thursday and Sundays... 12 hour shifts from 7 to 7. NOT going to work. Friday I have a client from 9am to 1p so I am dragging when I get there and that isn't fair to her. I am going to see what I can do about that. enough about that

We are coming down with something or the kids have been running green at the nose and eyes Katie a double ear infection T with a Right one that was soooo bad he would wake up screaming. I have never seen him in so much pain it killed me to a point of taking him to the ER and saying the heck with it. Yesterday he turned 5!!! I am a mother of a 5 year old. I am just as shocked as you are yes. :) I had my first test in Medical Terminology and I pray that the rest of the tests are just like that one was... straight of our worksheets.

My grandfather died on the 21st. We found out on the 23rd that he was even sick. He died on the operating table. so yeah I am in a bit of a haze about it all right now... kinda really MAD about it all why in the heck did my family not tell me anything... you know. He was my Dad's dad. who makes 3 years gone this august.

Well I am off to the shower. got to get ready for work.

update

briefly...

I have 50/50 custody

Semester is over for school

I am working Gero/Psych at St. Luke's Hospital on the weekends
Fri, Sat, Sun 7p-7a boy I am exhausted too!

I am not so really ready for christmas...

It is 2a and my girls are driving me crazy... they think it is time to get up not cool
I can't go to sleep

I made a head board out of blue christmas lights

Tristan is going to be 5 next month

My hair is short with blond highlights :)

I am finding out why I work the way I work... it is interesting.

I love my friends!

will update further now I don't have school Yeah me!

Moving on to the next step!

Ok so I thought it would be official by now, but I still have one more step to plow through. 5 more people to weed out. It is a group interview and a few paragraphs on why I want to be a Nurse. I was thinking why do I want to be a nurse? What draws me to feel that I can do it or even be good at it? I originally wanted to be an art teacher. Ok? I was (so I think) awesome at drawing being creative etc... So what else could be easier in college? So, I left for college only to party my way right out the door of being an art teacher. I came home to realize that I would not make that much money teaching art. I didn't really want to deal with High School'ers and their lovely attitudes. What next? Chef. ?? possibility. Thought about it and really didn't like the hours for the money... Well, then I could be a Nurse. My sister is a nurse I could do it if she can why not?? I don't get bothered by blood... maybe just a little spit up from the cutest baby in the world but beyond that all the other stuff is just human. and really NEAT! I have always enjoyed watching my blood being taken I just think it is the neatest thing that could ever happen. That doesn't make me a great nurse. I have been accused by my mom of not having a good bedside manner but I have found since taking the CNA course that I ROCK!!! I have found that compassion it takes to be a GREAT Nurse. I really want to make a difference. (and lots of money) So lets compile a list:
People skills
ambitious-- aka self driven ( i like to put those both down though they are the same)
Multitasker
calm under stressful situations
fast learner
problem solver
Great smile
pretty eyes...
lol j/k

this is really hard After receiving the news though and seeing that I have done it and can move forward that why not keep going?? Just keep going on to medical school and be a doctor?? I would love to do that. I love emergency medicine. Then again the nurse in the emergency medicine side gets alot of hands on stuff. Possible surgery I don't know. So many options. I am excited to have a passion to work on. I am given an opportunity to make a difference now I can take it and RUN with it to a point of no return to make these changes happen.

1 day ugh.

Ok the suspense is killing me. I wonder if it really will be here tomorrow?? 2 weeks is long enough to compile some scores together don't ya think especially with scan trons.. come on. Tomorrow I should know something. Last night I looked up some diets and I am officially on one. NO FRIED foods NO SODAS. and lots of water < yuck! I can do it. I need to get out and walk 2 miles today and with the rain like it is I may not but then again a nap does sound good... LOL wow this is going to be a fun road eh. I did my 75 curl ups last night and I forgot to do my push ups. All this is part of my plan B if something were to go horrible wrong in court. Will go more into that come Oct. 2nd. I need to drop 40lbs. and I can do it just going to take some hard work. which I left my hard boiled eggs out this morning I guess they will be ok. :) throwing them in the fridge now. laters!!!

Contact me!

I know many of you said you would do whatever it took to help. Here is your time. I need you!!! I need you in person to testify in court before the judge on your interactions with me and my children How you feel that the children have had a quality life with me and there should not ever be a question in anything but :) etc....

How you are there for us....
How whatever you have seen you find a good thing I don't know. I just need my back up support group now!!

alive, drepressed, and finding that word lonely creeping...

Yet, then again, I am able to move forward. On the 3rd I took my PSB aka, Nursing (RN) Entrance exam. I had an amazing weekend prior to it and just really feel like it may have been a good week over all. Then I made the mistake of thinking I could possibly be 'dating' someone and asked them that... LOL lets put it this way. I haven't heard from them again since then lol. ok. I know I am a single mom but am I missing something?? I guess so. I am ok with that. It gives me something else to laugh at. :) So my lonely feeling can just stick around. I need a dog. I think I am going to go see my doc and say look i need a dog give me a reason to get one beyond me saying I need one. I think I am going to look for a well trained and house broken one that needs lots of love.

Depression. Yikes. I might say I have it. lol ya think. On the 8th I really felt beyond control of it all. Tears of break down tears. I had to do a shout out for some prayers to even get it under control. My girls pulled it together for me and HE IS AMAZING. the tears stopped. I gave it to Him. I am exhausted of the emotional twisting he has shoved down my throat. I was given an ultimatum Monday that I never in a million years thought I would ever hear. It involved doing things to get my girls back that I refuse to do. I will not sink to that level any more 3 and a half years is enough I fell for it over and over again. I am not on my own any more and I will not tolerate it. My spirit is stronger then what it has ever been. I live with a spirit of grace and peace. "my feet are grounded in peace" I know I forget that to many times in a day but sitting here I KNOW it. The devil blinds us. He attacks us. He tries to damage us in ways we never thought possible. (or at least I thought)

Test I find out if I made one of the ten spots on the 17th. Nervous. Ha. understatement. So far for this semester I have an A average. I take my state boards for butt wiping on the 24th. My graduation party for that class is on the 30th.

busy wednesday month for sure! Glad only 2 more left or I am not sure I could handle many more of them. :) hehehe

GREAT NEWS the Guardian at litem is coming Sunday after Church!!! That is the attorney that speaks on the behalf of my babies. He comes to the home and sees the babies and how they enter act in my home and with me. I couldn't be happier for someone to see my side that isn't bias. I love all of you but bias does come naturally. Speaking of which I am needing people to testify on my behalf in court. Please contact me ok??