Second day in a row!

Sunday, June 29, 2008 4:46PM

We got up and went to church this morning! A few minutes late getting in but all was worth it! Wow have I been missing that place! I have had some weird feelings about going back, but I am glad I took that giant leap of faith and went. The music, people, and message! I guess it should be changed around a bit, but we are all sinners going to our refuge spot to get shaken up a bit and refocused on the week ahead! I have truly missed having that weekly smack around by Shane! Shane is my ADD pastor that is real with life and just really hits home. Though this morning my head felt like I was swimming trying to keep up with him but the whole gist of it I think was be REAL! Stop trying to cover up your past and face it, fix it, and have FAITH in God and what he has planned for you since the moment you were conceived. Being real. That is easier said then done. Since my moment of becoming single and moving forward I have met some really interesting people, one in particular got pulled from the wreckage I guess you can say and my ex has dug this poor kids entire wrap sheet out. I am ashamed that he went and did what he did, but seeing this kids past and being able to meet the man he has stepped up to be. I am proud to say I know him. His wrap sheet is longer then most toilet paper rolls we have in our bathroom with alot of stuff none of us would want another person to know about. I blushed when my ex laid it all out in front of me, embarrassed that a person I felt was my friend could be raked over the coals AGAIN by a stranger because of me. It hurts. In the long run I look at this guy with a whole new view point. If he can change to the better like he has on his own. WOW this guy is something to be proud to know! Each person we encounter is for a reason. What reason we never really know the whole picture sometimes. It takes a lot to step back and over look alot of our past, but today wasn't about over looking it. It was becoming real with it and changing for the better. I will get to the point eventually, sorry. Facing what we have done and being Real with the past present and future. One day when I become well enough off I am going to buy myself one of those 3 stone diamond rings that represent the past present future and when I look down I know that all three exist because I am who I am and I face each day with many choices to make and I am the only one that can do what is right or make excuses for why I chose the wrong way. In the long run why make excuses? Who are we fooling? The one we are trying to fool already knows what we did and why so be real and get real with life. If you make a mistake for what ever moment of temptation we fall for the moment you snap out of stupidity get on your knees and ask for forgiveness for HE loves us and without that light what is the point of reality? There is nothing but a dark hole to finish in if we don't get real.


Tomorrow starts the first day of CNA classes. Last week was our CPR stuff which I am now able to legally save your life! scary I know. I can't wait till I can get in and do it for real!!! I am thinking maybe ER, Flight line or be a paramedic on the side?? who knows they all sound absolutely fascinating! Don't they?

Ok I don't know who is more ADD shane or myself.

The slacker that I am...

I guess you can say slacker I am going with altered time warrior. Sounds fun.?? lol. I have tons of friends that can blog almost every day. Sometimes I wonder is it really that easy? Here is my 3rd attempt to get a blog rolling maybe it will be come a habit??

I am going to start with June 23, 2008. I started my first night in my Nursing Assistant class. I am super stoaked. It is one of my requirements to get into the RN program at Isothermal Community College. Greenville Tech did not require it so I feel i am a bit behind but I can live with it. By that Thursday I was CPR certified in Adult and Infant! Yeah Me! I am moving forward in life. I have been given mountains to cross and with each and every step I am able to look up and know that my life wouldn't be what it is today without the help of God. I am still a bit fearful to leave the relms of my apartment complex but with time I will get stronger and more head strong to do such things.

Today I had a job interview!!! It was a SUCCESSFUL one at that! The 2 managers that were interviewing me were both ready to hire me and get me on board with them. The best they could offer me was 7 dollars. I know that sounds selfish of me to say I will not work for that, but I am a single mother of 3 kids with an interesting ex that doesn't always live up to his words. I am going to have to work for them to be in day care, but I can't make less then what the day care is going to charge me to have them in there. 85 dollars per week per child. That breaks down to 1020 per month. He is require to pay half. No guarantees there, the past behavior is a sample of his current behavior I can almost guarantee his future behavior if you know what I mean. Which stinks for the kids sake but I am learning how to roll with the punches. I am growing stronger each day from my need for him. Becoming single, and becoming a single mom are WHOA wow what a difference. Not even a single mom, a single mom to 3. The need for support is an understatement, Mentally, financially. There are people that you find that you never knew were such awesome people. They were that smiling face you knew but just didn't ever REALLY know! There is a reason for everything... God knows what he is doing. Let me put it this way. I live in the Ghetto. I have found 2 really strong women in the same exact place I am in, and we together will work as a team with our kids and get through this. We will move up and become stronger and wiser women and learn to love in a new way.