blogging

Ok skipping over momma defense... Left of getting Jesus in the Ghetto. Some of you may know and some don't but I live in the ghetto. We do have this little group of people that come around parading in the neighborhood with a musical thing that pumps back and forth and has a piano keyboard on the side... can not think how to spell it and it starts with an A, and they have little bible study for the kids. That is awesome besides the fact most moms if they care about their kids fear for the danger that they can be exposed to by walking up to the playground for this activity. We have a scary surrounding for children to be brought up in. As a matter of fact there is word that 3 small children have been beaten up because that is the local gang's initiation. I keep my doors and windows locked at all times!!! my wee ones stay inside or at my neighbors which we are all going to school and struggling to make ends meet and raise our kids as safely as possible. God does watch over us we are all together in this same building for a reason and we as a team are coming together and making it happen. My neighbor E has re dedicated her life to Jesus! AMEN! I am so proud of her she is an incredible mother of 5, yes 5, and is also going to school for nursing! I am trying to get her to continue past the LPN program and join me in getting the RN. We will see. I know she can do it but she doubts herself so.

Tomorrow is time for church! yeah. we all know that I am sure I will have something to reflect on. I feel that the passion to share my experience and the drive to explain how it touches me just has to be put in words instead of being trapped inside this steel trap of mine ... lol.

Last night Tristan and I had a slumber party to go to it was Awesome! Our friends offered us to stay over since it was a decent drive and it was going to be a late night (so we thought) :) and we took them up on it. I haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable time in a really long time. That is really the first time we have had time spent together besides Hi helloooooo and small catch up sessions at church so it was pretty sweet to be able to further develop that relationship. We both have cake decorating LOVE in common too so that was a definite trouble maker for us both :) When I open my bakery she so has a job!!! I have been finding my staff along the way and we are up to 4 including me. I think that will be a perfect starting number I still need some wait staff so let me know!

This morning we went to a Princess Party I know it was awesome! Cinderella herself was live and in person! In living color. too cool the girls got makeup done by her and the boys got pirate tattoos! :)n That was the neatest party I have ever seen. They just get better and better! I think we are going to have to have Tristan's party there too. it is toooooooo cold in Jan to have it at the park and the apartment is just a wee bit on the smaller side for 5 year olds so we will have to keep that in mind *(purty please :) )

I am super depressed about school and clinical. I am not in the right field as of this moment. Nursing homes and wiping butts is just not me. I like hands on but not like that. wow. I knew it was a field for 'special' people but I don't think I am that kind of person now that I am there. maybe because I wipe butts all day and then I go to school and find out there are more to be done. I have seen living skeletons! you see the outlines of the bones in their arms and legs. NO. If I ever look like that and I am peeing in a bag for my last dying days.. put me in the woods and let the bear get me or something at least I would be helping them by providing food for their family?? you know! but to be sooo lonely you just wish someone would stop and talk to you... It kills me. Give me a broken arm or some burned up something and let me provide care to make it as almost as it was given to you. but to assist in your ending days.... I will assist... in finding someone else to help you with that. Then I feel bad for feeling that way. as a nurse you are suppose to have compassion. I walk in there and just no, I just really don't have any I dread for Tuesday and I dread until the clock strikes 9:30 so we can load up in my car and head home. there are others in our class that are AWESOME I mean they get in there and rock out! I walk in and I am a deer in head lights. I know the stuff I know how to do it. It really is common sense until you roll them over and they blow you away with gas. Wowzers. Then you wonder why you have one hand on their side of their hips and the other one gloved and wiping out dirty doo. Have I said UGH yet? yeah I am struggling with making myself continue forward but it is only for a small amount of time and it allows me to continue on beyond this fact of life.

**** anyone know how to fix keys on a lap top?? My enter key I have fixed a few times before but now it is not fixing for me and it is driving me insane! Let me know thanks.

Ok bed time for me 11:00PM on the dot and I got to get up early in the morning :) I have one of the girls from the hood coming tomorrow I am excited I know she will like it even though she doesn't feel young enough to go to kids pointe and not old enough to chill with the biggen's that tween year of life get you every time. She can handle shane I am thinking, she deals with me :) OH and she is an incredible baby sitter! She handled all 3 of mine on a nightly basis and I came in to sleeping babies each and every night with a clean house!!! You can't top that! I love her so!

toodles.

A momma defense...

Ok so I can definitely say my mom has had enough...From a mother's point of view when asked this....


Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:34:43 -0700

what will it take liz? For things to go back to how they were? will they? will you allow, accept, and help?

The answer!

What is wrong with you? I am not in the equation, can you not get that thru your head? You vilified my daughter, took the babies away, put a tracking device on her car, hunted her like a dog, dug up her past, which you had no business doing, none of your business, hurt Tristan, put bruises on his little body, and you have the gall to ask me what will it take?

Everything that is said is twisted by you, you interrogate each and every person, and you ask me that question? The same thing I told you about Kit, time after time after time, just leave me alone. Just leave me alone.

If you are making reference to the very brief phone call last night, the babies were exhausted from being kept up so late this past week and I was trying to get them fed and put to bed at a decent hour. Go by their schedule, not mine. I have nothing to say to you. Kit had told you I was picking up the babies and you calling to checlk if I did. I certainly don't need you to go behind me, checking up on me.

I am not "charmed" by your use of words, your actions tell me more than anything. You do not say one thing that is the truth. So, please, leave me alone. If there is a problem with the children while in my care and I cannot get hold of Kit, then I would call you. Like, if they tore their face up while I was pulling them behind the lawnmower, or let thm fall into the bathtub and get a black eye. You took pictures of Kaines' back where Katie had bitten her, take pictures of Tristan and Kaine while in your care when this happened? Probably not. My, how the screw turns.

I have no use for hypocrites David, guess you have not figured that out, so I will spell it out for you. I do not do double standards, you run your mouth about how much you care and all this crap, and act and do just the opposite.

Please, leave me alone. I have enough to worry and be concerned about without you adding to everything. Haven't you done enough to tear up everything? And yes, I do blame you and let's see if I can get it right , my precious daughter, no, I don't blame her. After dealing with you the little that I have, I do not blame her at all.

Always, Liz


She has had enough and so have I who hasn't?? When lies continue and the danger still lurks, the court still hanging over my head and nothing changing... hmmm. You really think anyone in their right mind could find a positive light out of it?? No and never.

Danger is lurking!

Dangerous Church was the title of today. I have been slack and been spending some time with me mum on Sunday mornings having breakfast... Our special time but I know that church is one hour and you know what... It is an hour that charges each and everyone up to go into this world burning bright each and every week!!!

We had some really good points today. I needed to write the rest of them down because I got stuck on one. Be selfless. ... ... ... I had a whole thing I had wanted to say... and I got a text message from David. How sweet to interrupt my thoughts. He does that so well. Ugh. ok let me see here. Being selfless in our community outside where people view the church as a different part of the world. Our Church coming together and reaching out to give to those that make our community what it is without strings without making a big fuss just reaching and giving when we can. ie. local food bank. Instead of making a food bank because we can... we reach out and help a food bank that is already there and serving good to the community. Instead of saying we are a church so we can do it better so instead we will be selfish and open our own and only give to who we select. No. We help make the one better that is already serving. We help serve to them as they serve to others in a selfless manner. Or go to our local schools and help expand the equipment I vote band stuff but I heard play ground. The arts need more help with funding but if there is a vote i will voice my opinion though i am not sure how loudly I will be heard. As long as we are helping I guess it doesn't matter where it goes does it?? Also, I was thinking going even deeper in the community and seeing what options for the local equal housing developments and see how we can help them and better their play ground equipment for the children of the less privileged families and homes. I know some of the people there would care less but then there are those that are bending over backwards trying to make a difference in their kids lives and a simple gesture like that from a church would be a warm embrace I think. Or give to the neighbor hood as we call it bringing Jesus in the Ghetto. You might not be able to take the kids out of the Ghetto but you can bring Jesus in!!! :) Ok will return with more...

Bragging Rights!!!

Through all this crud that I am having to handle right now check out what else I can do!!!

My Summer classes consisted of Nutrition BIO 255 I finished with a C, I had a small trip to the ER for bronchitis and I missed my final, but I was still able to pull a C out of the class which will transfer and count. :( Then I had a Management course which came out with an A. Then on top of that I have taken a class to become a Certified Nursing Assistant which I took the final exam this past Monday and made a 100 on it. Making my final grade average a 98.1! #1 in the class. I am in shock and I am floating along each day with a smile of achievement.

The fall semesters starts August 19th. I will have another 10 credit hours to go through and hopefully by this time next year I will be able to say I have been accepted into the R.N program!

Tristan starts K4 on August 25th and the girls are learning to use the potty! Kaine used it all by herself this morning! They will be 2 in October. Though we are surrounded by alot of negative I still believe as a team that shares each others weaknesses and strengths when needed my family is able to continue to do well. I know in time we will no longer have this dark cloud sitting on us and I will be able to return all your support you have shared with us. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. There are still some haywire things happening and i haven't a clue when those will end.

Bronchitis has been the sickness of the summer. yesterday was my 2nd trip into the ER. I went for my physical for my job!!<:) and had a fever of 100.4 and the lady took me back down to the ER for my third round of antibiotics. It has now turned into subacute bronchitis and I hope that it doesn't go any further.

I have been hired by a local agency called Community Health Connection, as a Nurses Aides, for In-home care. I haven't gotten my CNA license yet but they want to get me on board now and get me working so they can just increase my pay upon receiving my license. Which at that time I will then apply at our local hospital for the Geriatric/ psych unit.

I think that is all the exciting and newest of news for you!

A weekend of loneliness...

Orders are in. I had to relinquish custody of the girls at 6pm Friday July 18, 2008. I met him at Polk County Sheriff's place. Glad I did he of course tried to "talk" again. Which if you don't know any ofthis you know that is all he says he wants to do is "talk" it usually consists of the same thing over and over again and doesn't go anywhere other then alot of hurt feelings and nothing accomplished. alot of aquasitions that get you NO where but many circles of headaches and tears.

Tears wow. that is an understatement. My heart has been removed. My eyes are swollen and my head is spinning in directions I have never known it to spin. I feel like I have been ripped apart and left in the dessert. The heat dries the tears and blood as everything shrivels up to nothing. It is a test of time. A test of how much I trust in the ways of God. I know there is a reason for it. I understand that I don't have a job, but I am going to school for nursing to become more sufficient at having a job so i am not making minimum wage somewhere. Just don't understand why the children are put in the abusers home???

They are there I am here. I do what the judge says and move forward to better myself and do what is right in the eyes of the law. So I can get my babies back. I know I am the better parent and they were growing stronger with me. Staying out of daycare but in time it will show. God please place angels on those babies for their safety and well being.

Pray for them and me while this time is moving by.... then for Tristan that is suffering the most out of us all.

Great article...

Holy disordered

My congregation were not impressed when a tramp staggered into Sunday service. Not one of them offered to help me
All comments (60)

* Reverend Rigby
*
o Derek Rigby
o guardian.co.uk,
o Monday July 14, 2008
o Article history

As a Methodist minister, I'm always looking for new ideas to illustrate an old message in an effective and memorable way. Dressing up as a tramp one Sunday this month illustrated the Biblical account of the road to Emmaus, when the disciples failed to recognise Jesus. The media covered the drama of the occasion well - but nothing could have prepared me for the reaction I was to receive from my congregation at Trinity Methodist Church in Prestatyn.

The message of unconditional love, forgiveness, acceptance and the universality of the Gospel is preached weekly from the pulpits up and down the country. The practice, it seems, is not so easily grasped! Unshaven and in clothes bought from a charity shop and splashed with lager, I looked different, I certainly smelt different and I behaved in a quiet, intoxicated way - but obviously not in a way that would ensure I was unconditionally accepted into the House of God.

Now, I understood that some of the congregation would be concerned for their personal safety issue when a tramp tried to enter the church, but surely distant concern would have been preferable to a look of condemnation, and a spirit of acceptance - if only conditional - to an attempt to erase all signs of my presence with bleach. Getting into the church proved much more difficult than I anticipated. Those on "welcome" duty looked daggers at me and sent me scurrying away in an efforts to protect their cars from a man who was clearly trying to steal them, even if he couldn't stand upright for long.

Eventually I got as far as the entrance of the church. Behind a glass screen I saw for the first time the care and compassion in the eyes of some of those present – as well as some expressions that led me to question the purpose of this place.

About 20 minutes into the service, I began to bring the drama to a climax. During a hymn, I shuffled forwards to the front of the church. I felt every eye burning into me. When I finally removed my hat and wig, the sigh of relief was audible. It was followed by spontaneous applause. Without having to speak a word, I had managed to communicate a deep message: we all look different on the outside, but on the inside we are essentially the same, needing love, acceptance and fellowship.

After the service some people apologised, while others tried to justify their suspicious reaction. Of course, I am aware that approaching a tramp can feel risky, but folks could have initiated a chain of events that would bring help and care to one in such obvious need. During my career in the police force I met many homeless people. They provided a wealth of information about local crime. Often these folks would share their life story with me. On many occasions they had been successful in their chosen career, got married, had children, a house, a car - but something went wrong, and they found themselves on the street, alone, without the capacity or ability to begin to climb the socially acceptable ladder back to normal life. At times many of us are just a couple of steps from losing everything.